Reality TV starlet Lauren Conrad has signed a contract with HarperCollins to write a set of three books for the publisher. University English departments should be put on suicide watch after hearing about this. I think the only thing I've ever seen Lauren read on The Hills was People Magazine and maybe the back of an EPT box.

What can we expect from her "L.A. Candy" series? Well, the press release from the publisher says, it's “the behind-the-scenes story of a young girl who moves to L.A. and unexpectedly becomes the star of a reality-television show,” So it's basically excerpts from her diary right? All I can picture are a lot of "..." to fill in the blankness of their expressions and awkward silences. Maybe there will be pictures? I mean, there will have to be pictures right? Come to think of it, this would work much better as a set of graphic novels.

Here Lauren talks about how she "loves writing stories" and how it's loosely based on her own experiences but somehow based entirely on all of her experiences. See, this is where the idea of doing a photo collage works much better, then it can mean anything to every one.

Wow, someone over at People Magazine must read Chubby Jones (probably doing a Google search for "Stupid headlines from People Magazine") because I am not the only one thinking about Dave Coulier and Alanis Morissette's relationship. A few days ago, the Calgary Herald did an interview with Coulier and asked him about his past relationship with the singer.

He says that when he first heard the song he thought, "Wow, this girl is angry,' " he recalled. "And then I said, 'Oh man, I think it's Alanis.' ... I listened to the song over and over again, and I said, 'I think I have really hurt this person.' " DING DING DING DING DING give this man a prize! If their relationship was anything like the song lyrics he's lucky she didn't put his cojones in a vice and then hang them from her Christmas tree.

Well I'm glad I can put this all to rest and hopefully never have to think about it again. Instead, I'm going to think about how Danica McKellar who played Winnie Cooper on The Wonder Years is a smokin' hot math nerd.

(Photo by Brad Barket/Getty Images)

Excuse me, but People Magazine thinks that just because Ashlee Simpson ate two full meals in one day she is pregnant?!!! I get it, "a source" says that she is pregnant.

People says:
While Ashlee Simpson has not yet officially confirmed her pregnancy, she's certainly eating with gusto...The youngest Simpson, 23, dressed in a long, black pea coat and leggings, scarfed down a brisket melt – grilled onions and cheddar cheese on grilled rye bread – with French fries. That evening, Simpson and her mother were spotted dining at New York Italian eatery Da Umberto.

WTF! A girl can't have a burger without rumors of her eating for two coming about?That source isn't Ashlee or Pete and both of them have denied the rumors. Now, if they were smart (and I'm not going to make a judgement call on that one) and were actually preggers, they would know that eventually everyone will find out anyway, so why hide it? This is why my vote is a no-go on the pregnancy rumors. However, even if she were pregnant, BIG FUCKING DEAL! They are actually one of the cutest, if not most eyelinered couples in Hollywood. They always seem to have fun together.

Where is Chris Cocker with a "Leave Ashlee Alone" video, I want it now!

The Olsen Twins, Tweedle Dim and Tweedle Dumb, are about to add "Author" to their growing pedigree. The trolls girls are set to pen a book about their various influences, titled (for now) Influences. We think it would be better if it were called, Under the Influence. Instead of the folks we'd presume were the gruesome twosome's influences (Johnny Walker, the homeless of New York and Dave Coulier) the girls will focus on the likes of Lauren Hutton, Terry Richardson and Robert Lee Morris.

The coffee table book (which should be sponsored by Starbucks since those two always seem to be holding one of their beverages) will be filled with exclusive photographs and interviews that the girls have conducted themselves. We can't wait to see what those look like.