The following was just dropped off for Ryan Seacrest at his studio:

Ryan asked his Twitter followers, "Anyone got a bigger bun?" - this stuff just writes itself.

We've all done things we aren't proud of - hell, I even got a tattoo while I was three sheets to the wind and had no business making permanent life decisions. I take full responsibility for it though and sure as heck didn't get inked on my face. A 16-year-old girl from Belgium is seeing stars, lots of them, every time she looks in the mirror, and claims the tattoo parlor she went to is to blame for 53 unwanted ones.

Now, excuse my beauty, but who falls asleep when a needle comes anywhere near their face? Unless you have taken some serious drugs, you're not falling asleep during a tattoo session honey pie. Next time, just stuck with a tramp stamp.

Dude, someone please send Al Roker the most delicious Thai menu possible, have him order whatever he wants and send me the bill. When he interviewed the two biggest wastes of space on the Today show this morning, he gave Speidi the verbal tongue lashing that only a very hungry man who doesn't understand why these two are famous in the first place can give.

Afterwards, Heidi and Spencer went crying to the only person who cares, Ryan Seacrest, and boo-hooed their way through an interview saying, "I just wanted to talk about the show and my experience there and how fun it was, and he just made it a very uncomfortable and awful experience," said Montag. "I really would advise women especially to be careful around him because I feel like he definitely came and attacked me and I did not appreciate that at all."

I mean...really Heidi? Al Roker? Something tells me Al Roker would give his left kidney to an ailing wildebeest in order to save it from pain. Women have nothing to worry about with gentle Al. Speidi needs a reality check, they've been living in a scripted reality for way too long. If they don't go back to actually living life soon, they'll be getting one hell of a reality check as soon as they do.

UPDATE!!! Al Roker makes me want to kiss him on the mouth, with tongue, for posting this to his Twitter account:
"Heidi and Spencer are an interesting couple. famous for...being infamous. Bad and vacuous behavior. I think we're at minute 11 of their 15."

Britney's #1 fan who was able to get past security and hop up on stage has posted the most amazing gif EVER, on his myspace page. It features a great shot of him getting onstage and scaring the holy hell out of Britney who looks like she is doing the pee pee dance with jazz hands while backing up to get away from him. For almost a second it looks like she's about to go all Karate Kid "flying crane" on him - but no, it's more pee pee dance than anything.

If I were her I'd be scared too, his tight dance pants are filled with what appears to be a fiery loin. I am blinded by his hips, Shakira better watch out too.

Poor Britney Spears, it doesn't matter what she's doing these days something always goes impossibly wrong. Her microphones always catch her saying the wrong things, her panties are gathered in all the wrong places and now this...something as harmless as a regular dance routine turns into an embarrassing moment caught on tape and shared with the entire world.

BEWARE: The video isn't really all that bad, but will take your mind to places it probably doesn't really want to go. So, if you don't mind cringing a bit, I give you Britney's tango with the tampon string.

Dear Nicholas Cage,

Up until now, it was your nostrils that scared me the most. I'm sure if you really wanted to you could raise all of the Octomom's babies up in those bad boys and still have room for Jon & Kate's 8 now that they're having marriage problems. But today I see this picture and your hair is the thing that really makes my skin crawl.

What the hell died on your head and why are you letting it rot there? No one believes that is your natural hair color. I'm sure even the box of Grecian Formula for Men ran away kicking and screaming when you picked it up. Let go of the dream of having hair, bad hair is worse than no hair. In fact, dare I say it, you'd make kind of a foxy bald dude if you gave it a shot. Even my screwed up photoshop skills make you look better as a baldy:

I beseech you Mr. Cage - do something about this soon. My eyes will thank you so they can wander back up into the endless abyss of your nostrils.

When will the world be done with Miley Cyrus and her never-ending idiocy? At this point, it seems like she is either incredibly stupid or just trying to see what she can get away with. A picture has surfaced of the teen with some friends looking totally sauced and making "Asian face". Is that like gay face?

After this picture surfaced, the OCA (I believe it stands for Organization of Chinese Americans but their website never actually explains the acronym) was not too happy. They released the following statement on their website:

"Not only has Miley Cyrus and the other individuals in the photograph encouraged and legitimized the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent, she has also insulted her many Asian Pacific American fans," said George Wu, executive director of OCA. "The inclusion of an Asian Pacific American individual in the photo does not make it acceptable."

True, the one Asian dude in the photo doesn't make it better, in fact he only makes things worse by obviously making white face! This reminds me of a South Park episode. I'm sure Miley and her friends didn't mean any harm by the photo. I mean, she makes hick face all the time, I don't see Joe the Plumber or Larry the Cable Guy coming after her. What is most disturbing is that she doesn't seem to learn from any of her other mistakes. All cameras, phones and light boxes should be removed from wherever Miley and/or Hannah Montana is hanging out. Where the heck is Billy Ray while all this is happening?

Is it just me, or does Billy Ray Cyrus look weird in this picture. I feel like he's doing the pose that Miley should've done for Vanity Fair instead of the one she actually did.

A huge thanks to my friend GC for alerting me to one of the funniest/saddest photos I've seen in a while: President Bush surrounded by NCAA athletes flashing the shocker.

I don't know this for sure, but doesn't it seem like maybe the dudes in the back row planned this? If they were trying to make a "W" - or "Dubya" - wouldn't they have gone the route of the woman standing 4th from the right?

This one's for you PW:

This might be one of my all-time favorite pictures of the entire year. Not only does Al Roker make a great gingerbread man but Jill Rappaport makes an astonishingly good (and creepy) Alfalfa. Do I really even need to say anything about how wonderful the dog is?

There were some surprising hits and misses at last night's 25th annual Night of Stars - hosted by Fashion Group International.

I can't believe it. Ashley Olsen looks really great here. The dress could have been shorter, but at least it isn't a burlap sack!

It took me a few looks to realize that Marc Anthony, Jennifer Lopez and Karl Lagerfeld weren't wax figures from Madame Tussaud's.

What in bad-hair-weaves-used-as-a-dress is Kate Bosworth wearing? It looks like she chopped the ponytail off of 500 Bratz dolls and pieced together this mess. I wonder if she shampoos it or can just put it into the spin cycle?

Lindsey Price looks great in this purple gown. She's come a long way since those Toys R Us commercials.

I haven't seen Juliana Margulies in what seems like ages but she looks better now than what I remember!

(Photos by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images)

Penn Badgley always looks like he's pissed off about something. He also always looks dapper.

Reunited and it feels so good. Nick Hogan has been popped from his jail cell and now he and Brooke can go back to being creepily close and have their parents date people who look exactly like them. All is right with the world again.

Can someone please give Kevin Bacon a lollipop and a belly rub? He looks like someone took away his food, water and Nintendo Wii.

Like really, what's wrong here? Normally when I see pictures of him, he's smiling and figuring out how many degrees of separation he is from the person next to him. Let's wish upon a star that his marriage is intact. He and Keira Sedgwick are one of my favorite celebrity couples.

Christina Aguilera hosted a Rock the Vote party at Esquire Magazine's Hollywood Hills house. I applaud her for using her celebrity to urge others to vote but the trashy lipstick has got to go. It's not like she was hosting the party at the Playboy mansion or Jenna Jameson's baby shower - then it might be acceptable (still ugly, but acceptable).

From bad to shockingly good; here's a picture of Rumer Willis and Ryan Eggold at Christina's Rock the Vote party.

Is it just me, or does Rumer look great in this picture? I couldn't even tell it was her! She should totally use this as her Facebook profile pic. I'm still undecided about her new hair color but putting her bangs in front of her face really does something for her. In fact, if you squinted a bit and maybe cocked your head to the side she could almost pass for Natalie Portman.

Queen Latifah is looking really good these days; Jenny Craig must be very proud. Here she is before the premiere of her new movie, The Secret Life of Bees. I read the book a while ago and while I usually hate movies based on books I'm kind of excited about this one just because of Queen Latifah and Dakota Fanning.

This last one I have to include just because Rihanna is too gorgeous. Here she arrives at the "Fab 5: 5 Years of Vanity Fair, 5 Decades at Hollywood" party in Milan.

The Fox Reality Channel "Really Awards" handed out meaningless badges of honor to the people whose lives have been deemed entertainment-worthy by casting directors. These can't be real awards right? Like, will they be giving out "Best Non-Acting by a Non-Actor". I want an award for owning to most H&M hoodies. Seriously, they're like crack, I can't help myself. I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me.

Rock of Love Season 2 contestant Daisy de la Hoya was present for the awards and I don't know what in tranny hell happened to her but it isn't good.

She will be receiving the "Ugliest Crier" award.

The award for Unhappiest Household goes to...

I'm pretty sure this picture says it all. Kendra will be moving out soon, Holly just got written into Hef's will and Bridget...well today is her birthday so happy birthday Bridget!

Most Disturbing Looking Couple award goes to...

If Linda and Hulk Hogan were still together they'd be in the running but Dog and his wife would still have won. His hair makes the children cry.

The Surreal Life's Chyna wins for Woman Who Looks Less Like a Man Than She Has in The Past.

She can still be an ass-kicker, she doesn't need so many roids to do it.

Speaking of Surreal Life, one episode from the first season will be burned into my memory forever. When Verne Troyer gets hammered and starts making noises it makes me want to die a little on the inside. Die and pee my pants.

There were plenty of other losers reality tv stars in attendance and you can watch the show October 11th. Set your TiVos now!

There's pretty much nothing to say about Clay Aiken's People Magazine exclusive. My magic 8 ball told me he was gay back when I was considering becoming a Claymate during his American Idol days.

Congrats to Clay for going public, maybe now he'll get an offer to be on Dancing with the Stars.

It's a good thing I switched over the the E! News red carpet extravaganza - one of the hosts who isn't Ryan Seacrest or Juliana Rancic gave us some dirt on two of Dexter's stars. Apparently Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter (who plays his sister on the show) are dating. I think that's cute! A fake family who plays together stays together...at least until the show is over.

The Emmys are about to start (in an hour actually) and I've decided to watch Jimmy Kimmel's Emmy pre-show. I don't have very high hopes for laughter with this one (I'm on team Sarah Silverman) but I can flip between that and some red carpet fashion with every swig of wine I take.

I've already checked out some of the stars on the red carpet and so far everyone's wardrobe choices are too good to write about. Here are some of my faves:

Ah yes, I totally understand why Megan Fox wants to strangle a mountain ox with her bare hands just to get close to Olivia Wilde.

Kathy Griffin looks fabulous - seriously, she doesn't have a whole lot to work with but she does well with what she's got. Josh Groban's music doesn't float my boat but his bit in "I'm F-ing Ben Affleck" was some of the best work I've heard all year.

Do you think the women of Hollywood hate Heidi Klum? I have never seen her look bad, not once. When she was pregnant, she was the most attractive pregnant woman I've ever seen. Apparently she'll be making eight costume changes during the show tonight and I'm hoping at least one of those will be a dud. It's just not fair.

It looks like someone put Baby in a corner and hit her with the surgical stick a few too many times. I couldn't believe my eyes when I found out this is Jennifer Grey. Even when I put my finger over her schnoz to bring back that loveable geek who was like the wind through Patrick Swayze's trees, I couldn't see it. This is a prime example of why plastic surgery isn't for everyone. It looks like her face has gone into the witness protection program.

It's Christmas in September! Mario Lopez has announced to People Magazine, "My shirtless photo-shoot days are behind me." I, for one, could not be more thrilled. Somehow in the last two years, Lopez has man-whored himself onto covers of the magazines I read and TV shows I've been known to watch. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY! Why did we have to wait until even he got sick of taking his shirt off?

Now, if only he'd stop doing interviews altogether, I won't ask for anything for my birthday.

Pete Doherty must be crying into the bottom of his crack pipe right now. Stuart Pilkington from Big Brother 9 beat him out for a contract with Yves Saint Laurent to be the face of their new men's eye makeup line.

I demand a recount of whatever voting took place. This guy doesn't look like he needs anything to hide the bags under his eyes and the boils on his skin. If YSL could make Doherty look good, every man, woman and would be lining up to spend their weekly allowance on this stuff. They really missed out. At least the bronzer industry knows Pete is available to promote their products.

Normally I would never be thrilled when one person calls another one fat, but when the target of the name calling is Jessica Simpson my heart warms, a tear comes to my eye and a slow clap begins. Tony Romo's number one fan has been yapping away about her love for the football player. She appeared on People Magazine's cover last month saying she just told Romo, "You're the love of my life." He shouldn't get too excited, I think she said the same thing to the chicken of the sea guy. She also addressed the rumors about Tony calling his ex, American Idol winner Carrie Underwood. Jess has done an impressive investigative job of looking through Tony's phone to see what comes in and out and apparently found nothing. No offense Jessica, but it's not like Mr. Romo couldn't afford a cell phone plan on the side. I know the unlimited texting rates are exorbitant but if I can pay for it, so can your man.

Anywho, when word got back to Underwood about what Jessica had to say, she laughed it all off and told her friend (about the People cover, "...it's the same one Jess did about John Mayer - same smile, same look, except she's a little fatter." ZING!

Now we'll all have to wait until Jessica does something classy to retaliate.

The Daily Mirror is trying to see how huge of a joke they can play on the rest of the world right? Their reports of Michael Jackson and Pamela Anderson going on a few dates is more than my vodka-drenched brain can take this morning. If they were just hanging out over a cup of kitten tears and doing each other's nails I could totally understand, but the article makes it seem like they've been rubbing their plastic faces against each other and having sexy time.

The Mirror explains, "A source said: 'It was all arranged by their people in total secrecy, very cloak and dagger...he chose somewhere neutral for their first date." Oh really? He picked a hotel bar at the Shutters Hotel in Malibu so they could have a few drinks. I wonder what the king of pop drinks when he's feeling like getting crunk. I'm guessing he's an appletini kind of man. Pamela on the other hand, strikes me as a Miller High Life girl. The champagne of beers is the only thing worthy of having her lips touch it.

I need to go regurgitate my breakfast now.

Oooh, heads will roll once this picture of Disney's golden boy, Zac Efron, and bad boy rocker Dave Navarro gets out. Efon's handlers were probably taking in too many of the free drinks and those delicious Costco mini quiches to pay attention to his whereabouts. Don't take candy from strangers Zac! There's a spanking machine in someone's future.

Both Maxim magazine and the website After Ellen have come out with their top 100 hotties of 2008. BIG SHOCKER, the lists were rather different. The lesbians care about brains and talent to go with looks while men would be happy with a Madame Tussaud's version of their hot real girl.

Let's examine some of the differences shall we?

Strap yourself to your chair for this one, Bill Cosby - dear old Clifford Huxtable - is RELEASING A RAP ALBUM. I know you're thinking "Shut your face," but I'm fer realz. Prepare yourself fools.

Most Amazing Hot Tranny Mess Ever:

Excuse my beauty.

I don't know about you...but this TOTALLY makes more sense than anything else I've heard coming from a political candidate. And maybe I just have a dirty mind, but look at how big his/her hands are.

Why are people giving Celine Dion a hard time for having kind of hairy legs? Never forget, she is French Canadian…so really, it isn’t her fault.

What’s hot, baked, and famous? Why, it’s none other than Dawn Wells! The 69-year old actress who played Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island had been driving home after a surprise birthday party in her honor. When she started swerving the cops pulled her over and happened to find some pot (four half-smoked joints in the ash tray and two cases used to store the wacky tobacky). Our guess is that the girl next door hung out with the movie star for too long on that island.

She’s aged well! Must be all the THC – Oil of Olay should really look into that.

I guess it's true what they say...good things really do come in small packages. Much like mini hamburgers, mini tacos, travel-sized personal items, mini-series, baby corn and the Smurfs La Pequeña Winehouse adds that extra sugar and spice that the larger Winehouse just can't give us.

Why is it that some of the most talented American Idol contestants are always having trouble with the law? This season's rocker-nurse, Amanda Overmyer, apparently likes to hit the sauce and has a penchant for driving fast. According to The Enquirer the oddly coiffed would-be singer has been arrested on DUI charges and may have some nude photos circulating on the internet.

Now, if you are about to try out for a nationally televised program and think you have a snowball's chance in hell of making it past those stupid casting specials, you should probably do your very best to make sure those nude photos you sent to your ex are never going to see the light of day. The girl CAN sing though:

Is anyone willing to bet that there will be a Harley Davidson calendar in the works? Is anyone else willing to bet that Vidal Sassoon is shrieking in his loafers?

Sidenote: Does everyone have nude photos these days? Is there something we're missing? Should we start making some reservations at Glamour Shots to get some taken and get ready to hand them out as business cards before this blog really takes off?

The gay rumors have been in full effect surrounding High School Musical heartthrob Zac Efron for a while now. Sure he's got his girlfriend, Vanessa Hudgens, but the boy is (in our opinion) too pretty for her...or for any girl really.

Let's face the facts: He wears makeup, lots of it. He stars in movies about being in musical theater. Not to make a sweeping over-generalization but, well, we went to high school. We knew lots of boys in musical theater and most of their girlfriends were more shopping buddies than anything else. He is overly orange-tan. And now a photo has surfaced of someone presumed to be Efron, kissing another dude on the cheek. Seriously though, the only thing making this kiss more gay than usual is that both of the guys in the picture are good-looking, it was done in black and white, and both of them have their shirts off. Big deal. The Abercrombie and Fitch posters are more homo erotic than whatever social networking site photo this was probably snatched from.

While we could care less if Efron was less basketball star and more dancing queen, we can't help but think about how funny it is that as this photo surfaces, he is currently in the Isle of Man at the Gaeity Theatre filming Richard Linklater's next film, Me and Orson Welles.

Dear Readers,

On this Valentine's Day, we hope you sit back, relax, and realize that it's pretty much all a bunch of crap. No, we're not jaded, we just like to take the Heidi Klum approach to life. It shouldn't take a Hallmark holiday to tell the person you're with that you love them. It also shouldn't be the only time of year you think about sending or receiving flowers (those die anyway).

Our gift to you all? Well, we wanted to make you a heart-shaped meatloaf but figured it would probably get cold by the time it got to you. So instead, we put together some links for the lovers, the haters and those of you who fall somewhere in between.

We aren't exactly sure what to feel about this so we'll just say it: Gary Coleman (little Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes) secretly got married. He's 40 and she's 22, he's 4'8", she's over 5'7". It's what all relationships primed for reality television are made of.

The interview the couple had with Inside Edition was very telling.

"I don't have issues with age, I have issues with intelligence...She's more intelligent then I am and that's what matters to me." - I wonder if Coleman had any issues with the intelligence of the writer's misuse of the spelling of "than" while quoting him - we sure did!

"The couple also shares the reason they say they kept their marriage a secret. Price says, 'I just want my own identity as well because I don't want to be known as Gary Coleman's wife.'" Sister, we don't blame you! He was cute and all on the 80's sitcom, but now he's just a grumpy little middle-aged man. Maybe he's a tiger in the sack though.

Among some of her wonderful qualities, Coleman boasts, "She's a great eBay-er. She's a fabulous eBay-er. I hope she gets famous for that." Oh don't we all!

We wish the best of luck to this interesting couple. May the force be with you.

He might be small, he may have made a mistake when dying his hair blond, but Aditya "Romeo" Dev is the cutest little muscle man we've seen since Little Hercules.

We're not sure if his dance skillz are as good as Little Superstar:

BUT, his trainer is known to be "the fastest skipper in India". You can't beat that with a stick!

A little smooth R&B to take you out for the day:
Dionyza
"I told Myself" (mp3)
from "Dionyza"
(Little Dizzy)

More On This Album

I haven't been a fan of Jerry O'Connell for a long time. He was great as Vern, the chubby kid trying to fit in with his friends in Stand By Me, but then there was Joe's Apartment and Kangaroo Jack and one of my least favorite movies of all time, Jerry McGuire. Recently, Jerry scored some extra points with me though; he made a video for Will Ferrell's website, Funny or Die poking fun at the video that recently surfaced of Tom Cruise talking about being a Scientologist.

It is almost eerie how well he captures Cruise's maniacal laugh. His sidewinder is lacking a bit though.