If you're in the mood for an uplifting movie to see this summer, you may want to avoid the Oprah Winfrey-Tyler Perry collaboration, "Precious". You may say, "But it has Mo'Nique in it! I love her! She made me cry from laughter when she did that whole stand-up routine at the women's prison and I even watched Phat Girlz (true story) because of her". Hons, I know, I celebrate her entire collection too, but her role in this movie is not funny.

Of course, if you've been bottling up your emotions for the last ten years and need a good cry, this might be just what you need to get the water works started. Hell, the story is so sad that Mariah Carey took a role where she wears no makeup, probably so it didn't smear all down her face as they were filming. Be warned, there are no LOLs while you watch this but it does look good.

Back in the day when In Living Color was the jam, Damon Wayans had an especially special tasteless character called, "Handi Man". He was a mentally handicapped superhero who flew threw the air and declared, "Have no fear, Handi Man is here!".

Well, there's a new martial arts movie coming out that will rival anything Handi Man could have ever said or done. The tag line? "A special needs girl. With a special need, to kick some ass." There is nothing that is NOT awesome about this.

I don't care what it is Zooey Deschanel and/or Joseph Gordon-Levitt are trying to sell me, I will buy it. Their new film, 500 Days of Summer just screened at Sundance and all signs point to wonderful.

We can now add original screenplays and the art of creativity to the list of endangered species. The movie that inspired bullied kids and gave us quotes such as, "Wax on wax off" and "Sweep the leg Johnny!" is being remade specifically for Jaden Smith. Yes, the ten-year-old son of Will and Jada will be showing off his flying crane move in the new Karate Kid.

Is this something that really needs to be remade? Couldn't they have used all three of their kids (well, their two and Will's first son from a previous mama) to remake "The Three Ninjas"?

Damn it all to hell! Word on the street is that one of my favorite movies of all time, Barry Gordy's "The Last Dragon", is going to be remade. Why screw with a good thing? I'd have no problems with, say, an updated version of "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead", but Bruce Leroy and Sho'nuff the Shogun of Harlem must not be destroyed.

Regardless of the fact that Samuel L. Jackson is being tapped to play Sho'nuff, you can't replace Julius Carry, Taimak, Vanity or Keisha Knight Pullium (who plays Leroy's little sister Sophia and who is the cutest thing ever). Don't take away the glow!

The box office is about the get a whole lot more stinky thanks to the Jonas Brothers and a little film called Walter the Farting Dog. No, you don't need more caffeine or better reading glasses, you read that correctly. The loveable Disney band of brothers is starring in a film centered around a dog whose butt could light up all of California. I'm wondering if they could make this in Smell-o-vision. They should try to get John Waters involved.

This is not usually my cup of flatulence - I have two dogs at home who are more than willing to smell up the apartment for free - but there are a few pretty great names being attached to this movie. The film is being adapted by Alec Sokolow and Joel Cohen (Toy Story, Cheaper by the Dozen, Evan Almighty) . The Farrelly brothers, Peter and Bobby (wow, kind of like the Brady kids) are being listed as potential directors. Let's be honest, Kingpin, There's Something about Mary and Dumb and Dumber were pretty funny regardless of the potty humor.

This will probably be something I can only watch surrounded by my farting dogs in the comfort of my own home with Thai food and a fresh bottle of Seagram's 7 - but I will make an effort to check it out.

With multiple directors and writers creating their own short film within this larger piece, there's sure to be at least one story about the Big Apple you can sink your teeth into. From the same minds that created Paris, je t'aime comes New York, I Love You.

While I'm really excited to see what Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman have come up with, I'm less enthused to sit through anything with Shia LaBeouf in it. Maybe those 5 minutes will be a good time to take a potty break or pick up some Funyuns.

The real reason I'm pumped to see this film is that Kevin Bacon is in it. What this means for all of us - six degrees of Kevin Bacon just got a whole lot easier. Hello, ensemble cast with the likes of Cloris Leachman, Hayden Christensen, Blake Lively, Christina Ricci and Saul Williams! Seriously, I'm going to be charging money for people to watch me judo chop that game right in the third degree.

I know what you're thinking, Chubby Jones has seen more facelifts and changes than most trannies need to go through - but let's not dwell on that - let's talk about some of the folks who came out to support the new Judd Apatow film, Pineapple Express

Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images

How is it possible that Rosie Perez hasn't aged at all? She looks like someone I might hire to babysit my kids (if I did have kids).

Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images

On the other side of things, I don't think I would let Macaulay or Kieran Culkin near my kids. They look like they've been riding the pineapple express for a few days straight.

(via /film)

Perhaps this man was fooled by the defacing of M. Night Shyamalan's movie poster. It seems like maybe he was on his way to audition.

Kaufman has a new movie in the works - Synecdoche, New York, and it will be his first time directing.

As with all of his films (even Adaptation), I'm sure that this one will reveal heartbreaking truths to go along with comedic genius and confusing circumstances.

Oh shiz, Al Pacino and Robert De Niro are starring in the upcoming movie, Righteous Kill, but who cares about that when Anthony Michael Hall will be in the movie with them!! Damn! I've been missing him ever since he played Bill Gates and the mean boyfriend in Edward Scissorhands! Nice to finally see him getting some screen time playing a rapist! Added bonus: Curtis "Fiddy Cent" Jackson will be in this too. I smell an oscar.

Harmony Korine films aren't for everyone, but they are for me. Don't judge. I remember the first time I ever saw KIDS (written by Korine); I was horrified and enamored all at the same time. It was my introduction to Chloë Sevigny, Rosario Dawson and serious adult content (eventhough there was nudity in Revenge of the Nerds it hardly classifies as adult content). While the subject matter was disgusting I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I even ended up buying the VHS and watching it repeatedly through college.

Then there was Gummo. More Chloë, cat-killing protagonists who eat spaghetti while bathing in a dirt-filled bathtub, seemingly homeless children running around half-naked in a bunny costume...what's not to love?

Harmony has a new film out called Mister Lonely and it stars Diego Luna, known for his role in Y tu mamá también. Luna plays a Michael Jackson impersonator who befriends a Marilyn Monroe impersonator. She takes him to live in a world in which everyone is "famous". It seems slightly more glamorous than Branson, Missouri if you can imagine that.

Can't. Wait.

Purim is one of the best Jewish holidays out there. It's like Halloween, but without the really good candy and with less costumes to choose from. Some of the best costumes (which really weren't all that kosher) included:

The Jew Kids on the Block
Teenage Mutant Ninjew Turtles
and Sammy Davis Jr. - just because.

So, in honor of this fantastic holiday, here is a movie trailer spoof of one of our favorite films from this year, dressed up with some Jewish flair.

Wanted: Have you got that certain inbred-chic that is all the rage these days? Self-depricating people willing to whore out their ugliness to the world are wanted for the silver screen. If you're deformed, albino, have been mistaken for a dog or if you came thiiiiis close to starring in Harmony Korine's Gummo have we got the role for you!

Julianne Moore (and possibly hottie Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who is in talks with production) gets to star as the gorgeous heroine running away from your cringe-inducing, Deliverance-esque physique in the upcoming horror flick, Shelter. The casting call says they are looking for

What - they couldn't get the girl from The Hottie and the Nottie?

Somehow we missed the first Step Up (we were probably too busy watching Save the Last Dance or Stomp the Yard) but right now we wished we lived closer to Mandi Bierly so that we'd both have someone else to see Step Up 2 with.

To bow our heads even lower in shame, we kind of also want to see How She Move

Don't judge us.