Katie Holmes regularly makes me want to stick my head in a litter box. She might be the hottest robot since Rosie from the Jetsons (instead of a French maid's uniform she prefers the early 90's French roll) but I'm sick and tired of seeing her everywhere and hearing about every time she blows her nose.
The only time I want to see Katie is when she's locked in a bathroom slugging Scotch and coming up with fun things to use Suri's name with...much like this:
ALMA Awards Turn Into Senior Yearbook Photo Session
This past weekend was the ALMA entertainment awards for accomplishments in the Latino community and the stars came out in full force. For some reason (from what many of the photos have me believe) it seems like the theme of the evening was "Senior Yearbook Photo" night. As with most yearbook photos, we have the good, the bad and the ugly. Let's review, shall we?
America Ferrera the cute girl next door, most likely to succeed.
Charlie Sheen, most likely to sleep with his teacher.
The Cheetah Girls, most likely to need Raven Symone back in their group.
In honor of it being Friday and my not wanting to use too many brain cells, I've decided to give you all some pretty pictures to gaze at along with a fun party trick you can take wherever you go. Seriously, it might even help you get laid.
I have to start out with my favorite "are they" "aren't they" couple, Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan. They are adorable together - whether they're just bosom buddies or if they're scissor sisters they get two very enthusiastic thumbs up.
Now two people I can do without: Tila Tequila and Paris Hilton.
Can someone please explain Tila Tequila's fame to me? Sure, her name is fun to say - it slips off the tongue more easily than say, St. Pauli Girl, but that's where her party stops. Is it because she's bisexual? I've got news for you, she's not bisexual she's just greedy.
If I had the means, I don't think I'd want to be famous for being rich - unless I actually made the money myself for utilizing a talent. Paris Hilton doesn't seem to mind though. Coining phrases like, "That's hot," making sex tapes (which I heard were pretty boring) and carrying a dog around as an accessory isn't considered a talent. I must say though, her boobs do look good in this picture.
Clay Aiken and his BFF Jaymes Foster have welcomed a baby boy into their asexual world. Congrats to the new parents and heartfelt condolences to the baby who will, no doubt, be the target of much harassment for years to come.
You may have been asking yourself, "Where in the HELL is Chubby lately?" Or maybe you haven't been. Who knows -it's summer time and you're probably too worried about how much SPF you should be putting on or whether or not you're getting pit stains in the shirt you're wearing. For those of you who have been wondering, I've had to spend some time on other projects around the Tribune home. Something similar to Chubbyjones, however not the same, can be found here on a daily basis. Enjoy.
Chubby Jones may turn into something else (approval from the powers that be TBD). What would you like to read/hear/see on here? That hot bitch Oprah already stole my vegan thunder. Jackie Warner can tell you how to work out a lot better than I can and Tales from the Wii Fit can really only go so far. Feel free to drop me an email or put a comment below.
Why? Why are Dinah and Ali Lohan getting their own reality show on the E! network? Haven't the Lohans learned from their mistakes? Can't they at least wait until Ali is of legal drinking age so that she can enter rehab at a more acceptable age? And Dinah, we get it, you're a MILF, you kind of look like Diane Lane, but couldn't you be more of a parent and less of a z-list celebrity? Haven't you seen what's been happening to the Spears family? Oh, and the show will be taking place in Vegas...Who wants to put bets on which of the Lohans is going to be coming out with a sex tape quicker, mother or daughter?
Either the only people auditioning for American Idol these days are lovers of being in the buff, or Randy, Simon and Paula have a keen eye for spotting naked talent. This season's best (non) dressed contestant may be David Hernandez.. As a stripper at the mostly male venue, Dick's Cabaret, Hernandez's voice wasn't likely what got him the job. We say: Who cares? Take a look at all of the celebrities whose sex tapes have circulated the internet and whose stardom led to gracing the pages of Playboy Magazine. Maybe what the public really wants is a bare American idol.
Anna Nicole Smith hasn't been punished enough, she is now going to be played by Nick Carter's ex, Willa Ford, in a new biopic. Here is the trailer
Nothing, I repeat NOTHING, will compare to the Anna Nicole Smurf parody:
We're not sure why some people are making such a fuss about this, we feel that it makes perfect sense for Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards to be the new face for Loius Vuitton. Slap a bunch of brown L's and V's on that leathery old face of his and he could probably be mistaken for one of their bags.
Exqueeze us OK! Magazine, but your reports that super doofus Keanu "Woah" Reeves and super cute indie queen Parker Posey might be a new couple MUST be lies. According to the mag rag, the two were seen "cozying up" at the Chateau Marmont. Gross. If anything, Posey must've been explaining basic algebra to him.
The BBC will be producing another reality television program in which contestants are judged for their modeling skills. The catch? All of the women will be disabled. Does this mean we can compete since we are stricken with large guts and short stature? We've always wanted to do some modeling - preferably while holding a bag of Cheetos.
Excuse us, but Nicole Richie and Joel Madden's baby, Harlow, is one of the cutest babies we've seen in a long time, she may even be up there with Shiloh. Too bad her mom's BFF is such a waste of space.
It's possible that one of Brooke Hogan's friends was more of a Hulkomaniac than she knew. The 33 year old friend, Christiane Plante, went to the most trusted of sources (The National Enquirer) to tell them of the hanky panky. Classy.
Holy crap, someone call M. Night Shamayalan. This woman gave birth a few weeks ahead of schedule while going to the bathroom on a train. The baby then FELL to the tracks after being passed through the toilet and somehow survived.
