Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are NOT going to be outdone by Madonna and Guy Ritchie! J. Lo and her man-skeleton have been having some problems that her magic booty can't solve. While this makes me very sad for the twins (who have yet to be photographed incessantly by that paps - which makes me think they look like Daddy) it makes a lot of sense. As a couple they never did it for me. Sure, he had one good song that would get stuck in my head which I will not mention because otherwise it will never leave my head Fight the urge! Fight the urge! but he couldn't hold a candle to her high-profile moderately-talented resume.

According to the same people who brought us the Aubrey O'Day story, the two haven't been wearing their wedding bands and he has been partying non-stop. He is supposedly very controlling and she feels like he brought down her amazing film career. First of all - her film career is what ruined her film career. Has she seen her movies? Secondly, I have a hard time believing Jen would allow Marc to be controlling. She needs to wake up every morning blasting Snap's "I Got the Power" and get that booty back in gear. Forget couple's therapy, they just need to talk to me.

Take one of these and call me in the morning: