Forget that today was the day slavery was officially abolished in the U.S. No, today will only be known as THE MOST IMPRESSIVE CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY DAY EVER! (or until I find a better one). What is it about December 18th that made God declare it the birthday of the blessed? Just look at the lineup of stars standing in line for today's birthday spankings:

Let's start with Keith Richards. How in the hell is this guy still alive? Even if we forget about his drug abuse, the man fell out of a tree back in 2006 and had severe head injuries. He's also snorted the ashy remains of his late father. That's gonna be so hot in 2009.

Katie Holmes is celebrating her 30th birthday today which means she is one step closer to finishing out her contract with Tom. Sure, she might be robotic and weird but she is one of the highest-paid weird robots ever.

One of the luckiest people on the planet, Brad Pitt, turns 45 today. He is gorgeous, wealthy, talented, has Angelina Jolie as his baby momma - and his hair looks great no matter how he wears it. Hell, even his molestache is better than Clooney's.

Christina Aguilera may have gotten the crap end of the deal when she and Brit Brit were starting out but who's laughing now? She is a December 18th baby which means no mental breakdowns and no needing to make an early-career comeback. Christina, you are beautiful no matter what they say.