I tried to watch the MTV Video Music Awards, I really did - but it was so boring my dog couldn't even sit through it, and that bitch can settle in for a Quaker Factory marathon. As soon as the hot glow of the television greeted my face and Russell Brand's wide eyes and dirty hair appeared I knew I was in for a stinker. It was almost impossible to understand what was coming out of his mouth and when the cameras panned the audience even the most stoned celebrity in the room didn't seem to find his shtick funny.

The highlight of the hour I wasted was Pink's performance of "So What". I watched it because it started out with high-energy; the singer wandered the streets breaking things. Mostly though, I kept watching to see when her wardrobe malfunction would take place. It did happen, but luckily she was wearing electrical tape over her no-no areas.