The Daily Mirror is trying to see how huge of a joke they can play on the rest of the world right? Their reports of Michael Jackson and Pamela Anderson going on a few dates is more than my vodka-drenched brain can take this morning. If they were just hanging out over a cup of kitten tears and doing each other's nails I could totally understand, but the article makes it seem like they've been rubbing their plastic faces against each other and having sexy time.

The Mirror explains, "A source said: 'It was all arranged by their people in total secrecy, very cloak and dagger...he chose somewhere neutral for their first date." Oh really? He picked a hotel bar at the Shutters Hotel in Malibu so they could have a few drinks. I wonder what the king of pop drinks when he's feeling like getting crunk. I'm guessing he's an appletini kind of man. Pamela on the other hand, strikes me as a Miller High Life girl. The champagne of beers is the only thing worthy of having her lips touch it.

I need to go regurgitate my breakfast now.