Forget about Davey Jones, it was all about Chubby Jones at this year's Gasparilla Pirate Festival YAAAAAAAAR!
I am back from sunny Florida and the pirate parade was nothing short of interesting. I'm not sure what I was expecting but I sure wasn't expecting this:
You see, Gasparilla is kind of like a pirate mardi gras but more monotonous and there are more cigars being smoked per square foot than in any other part of the country (I'm guessing). Seriously, what's with the cigars people? I'm sure it tastes, um, good(?) but it looks like you're chewing on a big turd with one of those things in your mouth. Anyway, there were lots of beads and I suppose this guy thought he would get a lot of them by showing his bare assets. Suffice it to say, these pirates didn't really like hairy man chests and big white bellies. I didn't lift my shirt but somehow managed to get a good amount of beads (maybe because I look like a small child). My favorite pirate of the festival was the Dread Pirate Green Beard
I wish all pirates had such great taste in hair color and beer.
In other news....Let's get caught up on what happened while I was away!
Amy Winehouse is still too skinny
Brit Brit is still CRAZUH
Avril Lavigne is still pale
The Hogans are still getting divorced
There seems to be a 1:1 relationship between celebs going to rehab and celebs having babies
I still love Lindsay Lohan eventhough she's a trashball
The Giants won the Superbowl.
and one of the world's lamest couples, Heidi Montag and Spencer "Molestache" Pratt still suck
I'm happy to see that not too much changed while I was gone. In the meantime and between time I'm prepping for my upcoming interview this Friday with the beautiful singer/songwriter known as reddelicious who so far reminds me of a lo-fi electronic Joanna Newsome combined with some Kimya Dawson.