Chubby Jones

Jackie: and I HATE that the media laps it all up
why isn't she getting US Weekly covers like
I think they will turn on her eventually
like when the media loved Jessica Simpson
and I said

Mia: I mean, AGAIN, Katie Holmes is the f-ing eblast headline

Jackie: just wait they will turn on her
and my friends didn't believe me and it did happen
now People and US HATE JSimp
I can't WAIT

Mia: I can't wait either I've always hated JSimp ALWAYS

Jackie: I couldn't wait for Jess and Nick's divorce

Mia: oh, me too she has such a man chin

Jackie: the way she sells stupidity and ditziness and virginity
UGH HATE
but Katie is worse,

Mia: SHUT UP PEOPLE MAGAZINE!

Jackie: OMG
on this one board I frequent:
someone was like "Magical? What, does she ride a unicorn or something?

Mia: Magical makes me feel like it is Scientologirific

Jackie: I'm psyched about the Andrew Morton bio
Also, the Katie quote: Suri is a strong woman
A STRONG WOMAN!?
WTF

Mia: omg I KNOWWWWWWWWW

Jackie: why are they not ripping her apart!? this is insane

Jackie: the worst was Katie Holmes says Nicole's pregnancy is "wonderful"
OMG
WHO CARES
STOP DEIFYING THIS WOMAN
SHE HAS NOTHING INTELLIGENT TO SAY
SHE CUT HER HAIR AND HAD A CHILD WITH A CRAZY MAN
that is not enough to make her A-list in my book!

Mia: I'm sure that Nicole could give two craps about her and her fake husband

Jackie: I know
I LOVE that Nicole is preggers because now she'll be on bumpwatch and the media will eat it up

Mia: yeah, with a REAL man
a REAL drunk man

Jackie: YES hahaha and steal time from Katie
but you know what I predict?
and I could totally see this happening
Katie will announce another pregnancy
what do you think?

Mia: totally
TOTALLY
good call

Jackie: you know it
anything to steal the limelight

Mia: the worst for me was her telling People that Nicole's kids with Tom call her mom that REALLY made me want to stick her through a meat grinder
that takes some serious balls to say
if I were Nicole I'd be furious

Jackie: I KNOW I was SO PISSED
and the media is all "oh, Katie's so lovely"
wtf
rarely have I hated any star this much but I despise Katie and everything that comes out of her stupid mouth

Mia: it's because she's got may-jah friends in the Beckhams

Jackie: yeah, except not really
it was like for a month
to get some exposure
which really....who gives a crap about them anyway
now you never see them together
and katie copies posh's style
but lamely
it's not even her own
say what you will about Posh, but she does have her own look

Mia: and really tom just wanted an excuse to hang out with becks
and stare at his package

Jackie: whereas Katie is just this weird mix of Posh-inspired stuff and old-lady stuff Tom picks out
omg, and then buying Suri Louboutins
ultimate in crass conspicuous consumption
and I hate how they dress Suri like a doll in designer duds all the time
look at Violet Affleck and Kingston those are real babies that actually, you know, PLAY Suri is just trotted around for publicity

Mia: but those are also real couples

Jackie: RIGHT
ok, do you think that Tom and Nicole's marriage was also a sham?

Mia: yes totes a contract 10 years

Jackie: but why the adopted kids?

Mia: and then they filed for divorce basically ten years to the day.
because they were together for 10 years obviously time for kiddos
but no sexo, so they had to be adopted

Jackie: right... so did Katie actually sleep with him?
the pregnancy was also weird

Mia: but since there were so many gay rumors about Tom, this one HAD to be his

Jackie: Katie's belly seemed to ebb and flow
right...
well, I do think Suri looks like Katie. but did you see the Andrew Morton claim
that Suri was created with L. Ron Hubbard's frozen sperm WHICH IS SCARY

Mia: I could totally see that but she looks like Tom too
although, when she was on the cover of Vanity Fair or wherever they whored her out to, it kind of looked like they dyed her hair didn't it?

Jackie: suri?

Mia: yeah...her hair was like way too dark

Jackie: YES and that ridiculous headline
She's OURS we MADE HER WITH TOM'S STRONG SPERM
they make me sick I mean, J-Simp annoys

Mia: seeeheeheeeeriously

Jackie: but my hate for her pales in comparison to my TomKat hate
do you think there will be a Katie downfall?

Mia: Definitely

Jackie: what will bring it on, though? so far I feel like the tabs adore her
no matter how lame and programmed she acts
what will it take?
with J-Simp, it was her divorce
but Katie and Tom supposedly have 8 years to go

Mia: I have to assume that eventually, Tom might go over the top with this whole scientology thing to the point where it even creeps Katie out
either that...or suicide

Jackie: I think Katie totally buys it but I think if Tom continues to be really creepy
it will start making them both look bad

Mia: I meeeeeeeeeeeean if it doesn't already...then I don't know what the hell it would take

Jackie: check that out

Mia: yeah I saw it on Gawker
SCARY

Jackie: oh, really I need to go there for some real comments Popsugar is way too nice
mmhmm

Mia: aaaaaay dios miooooooo

Jackie: he other weird thing is that Tom used to be cute but he's become really gross-looking I can't figure out if it's b/c we know more about him

Mia: he has a really nice front winder

Jackie: or that his features have rearranged themselves as he's aged

Mia: it's the goiter

Jackie: but he was definitely cute before, and now... not so much
HA there's a huge ad for the Andrew Morton book on Jez

I think this is going to blow up
Morton's bios always do

Mia: his laugh is soooooooooooooooooooo scary

Jackie: it is
other things I wonder: so even if there's a contract doesn't it seem like Katie really is madly, creepily in love with Tom? sometimes I really think she buys into it
also, what about Tom's other kids? no one sees them Nicole obviously isn't that involved and they're never photographed with him b/c he wants to be seen only with katie and suri

Mia: honestly I think that it took a while for her to get brainwashed at the beginning, it seemed like she was a little creeped out

Jackie: well, there are rumors that she can't hang out with friends or family unsupervised that she has a Sciento friend to accompany her to everything or should I say, "friend"

but do you really think they slept together and Suri is their baby? that's what I want to know

Mia: she had said when she was little that she wanted to marry him

Jackie: I KNOW so creepy

Mia: I don't think they slept together

Jackie: it's so gross to picture

Mia: but I think it's their genes combined

Jackie: there's a Letterman interview with her from around 2000 and
Letterman comments on how tall she is and she's like "you know, a lot of actors are really short. like Tom Cruise. he's really tiny." I couldn't believe it!!! eerily prophetic
wouldn't you love to know what Queen latifah and Diane Keaton know?
they were working on that movie with her I'm sure they observed SOMETHING
and they both seem pretty perceptive. why aren't they talking??
I'd love it if Queen came out and was like, "Katie is psycho"

Mia: Diane Keaton kind of creeps me out too.....and the Queen...she's cool, but I kind of feel like all three of them have things to hide
but then again, I think everyone is gay
hahahaha

Jackie: Queen?
I've heard that
she probably is
!!
omg
read THAT
totally agree with the comment below
the interviews were WAY too kind in light of all the rumors and scandals
Tommy paid 'em off
I'm glad this is getting some press
"Diane doesn't generally get angry, but she was disappointed in how I handled it, yes."
iiiiiiiiiiiinteresting
love that Diane wanted to go there
I love Diane Sawyer
alas, she didn't have control over this one

Mia: well could you imagine the ratings?
if she actually had asked, that would be le bomb digs

Jackie: even if Katie deflected everything
just seeing her squirm it would've been major why didn't they ask??
the book is really big news

Mia: may-jah

Jackie: it was "cruise-controlled" as they say

Jackie: I also hope this gets picked up on People
but no I think Tom is paying them off, too US will be the first to turn on them

Mia: are you kidding me? People mag has been NON-STOP Katie cheerleaders
they won't freakin shut up

Jackie: but US HATE THEM
US has the Morton book on the cover this week

Mia: why on EARTH would anyone follow a leader who looked like this unless you are Elton John or Liberace
I'm just sayin...that kerchief/ascot thing he's wearing?
AND....not gonna lie, Suri DOES kind of look like him: the eyes and the hairline

Jackie: omg love that Garner refused him

Mia: "knew what freedom was"??? freedom obvs = mind control