Chubby Jones

In a mere two weeks the premier of what is destined to be my favorite loved and hated television series will hit the airwaves. Dubbed, "The Mother of All Beauty Pageants", Crowned is a battle of the brains (sure), beauty and talents (questionable) between 11 mother/daughter teams. I'm happy to watch the behind the scenes catfights and bitch wars of regular pageant girls, but pairing them with their mothers is no less than GENIUS at work.

Feast your eyes on the teaser. Oh. My. Gawd. I can hardly sit still in my seat, I want this to begin pronto.

Some predictions:

1- A mixture of overbearing mothers living vicariously through the lives of their daughters vs. obnoxious daughters pushing their moms (who wanted to be more of a friend than a mother) around.

2- Hair pulling. What would be great is if it were two of the moms.

3- An uncovered secret will come to the surface in a pool of tears but all will be well with the world by the end of the show.

4- In the future, one of the daughters will end up co-hosting something with Ryan Seacrest.

5- At least one mom/daughter duo will pose for Playboy.

6- The duo you'll most likely want to judo chop: Laura and Patty

How much work has Patty had done? Laura just looks evil and the preview of her screeching proves it.

7- Most likely to succeed: Hollis and Gina

Just read their questionaire answers. They're spunky underdogs. Not the best looking, but something tells me we'll be rooting for these two.

8- Scariest mother/daughter pair: Heather and Brenda

I don't find it odd at all that their names were both famous characters played by Shannon Doherty. They will be every bit as dumb as they look.

9- Best Looking: Ada and Christan

Wow. They look like they might even be nice from their picture, keep an eye out for this pair as well.

Keep in mind, I obviously haven't seen an episode, but I'd be willing to put money, that I don't have, on all of it. Tis the season of the bitch, and I am psyched.